When someone in the family develops dementia, the whole family is affected—including children and teenagers.
Kids may not always understand what dementia is, but they often recognize that something has changed. A grandparent who used to tell the same stories, pick them up from school, or play their favorite game may suddenly forget their name. A loved one may become confused, say things that don’t make sense, or behave in ways that seem unfamiliar.
For children and teens, these changes can bring a complicated mix of emotions: sadness, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, fear, anger, or even guilt. Sometimes, they may simply miss the person their loved one used to be.
Understanding how children and teens experience dementia can help adults support them through the changes.
Children May Not Understand What Dementia Means
Young children often think in very concrete terms. They may wonder why Grandma doesn’t remember who they are or why Grandpa keeps asking the same question.
They may even believe they did something wrong.
It’s important to explain dementia in simple, age-appropriate language. You might say:
“Grandma has a disease that affects her brain. It makes it hard for her to remember things and understand what’s happening. It’s not because of anything you did.”
Children don’t need a detailed medical explanation. What they need most is reassurance, honesty, and the opportunity to ask questions.
They May Grieve Someone Who Is Still Alive
One of the hardest parts of dementia for children is that they may begin grieving changes in their loved one long before that person dies.
A teenager might say, “I miss how Grandpa used to be.”
That feeling is completely understandable.
The person they love is still physically present, but their relationship may look different. A grandparent may no longer be able to have the same conversations, remember important milestones, or participate in activities they once enjoyed.
This type of ongoing loss can be confusing for children and teens because there isn’t always a clear moment when something is “lost.”
Let them know that it’s okay to miss the way things used to be—and that they can still have meaningful experiences with their loved one now.
Teens May Feel Embarrassed or Uncomfortable
Teenagers are navigating friendships, school, independence, and their own changing identities. Having a relative with dementia can add another layer of emotional stress.
They may feel uncomfortable when their grandparent behaves differently in public or repeats the same questions around their friends. They may worry about what other people think.
That doesn’t mean they don’t love their relative.
Embarrassment can coexist with love, sadness, compassion, and frustration. Teens shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for having complicated feelings.
Instead, give them a safe place to talk about them without judgment.
They May Feel Guilty
Children and teens may sometimes feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends instead of visiting their relative. They may feel guilty when they become frustrated with repetitive questions or behaviors.
They may also wonder whether they could have done something differently.
Remind them that dementia is a disease—not something they caused and not something they are responsible for fixing.
It’s okay for kids to have their own lives. They don’t have to become caregivers.
They May Become Afraid of the Future
Children may wonder:
- “Will Grandma get better?”
- “Will Grandpa forget me completely?”
- “Is my mom going to get dementia too?”
- “Am I going to get it someday?”
- “What happens when they don’t know who I am?”
Some children may also worry about losing other family members.
Answer questions honestly, but keep the information appropriate for their age. Avoid making promises you can’t keep, but reassure them about what is true right now.
If a child asks a difficult question, it’s okay to say, “I’m not sure, but we can find out together.”
They May Notice Changes in the Family
Dementia can change family routines. Parents may be more stressed. Grandparents may need more help. Family gatherings may feel different. A parent may spend more time caring for their own parent.
Children can sense these changes even when adults don’t talk about them.
Whenever possible, explain what’s happening rather than leaving children to fill in the blanks themselves.
For example:
“Mom has been spending more time helping Grandma because Grandma needs extra help right now. You haven’t done anything wrong, and we’re still here for you.”
Maintaining familiar routines can also provide children with a sense of security.
Give Them Ways to Stay Connected
A diagnosis of dementia doesn’t mean a child can no longer have a relationship with their loved one.
In fact, finding simple ways to connect can be incredibly meaningful.
Depending on the person’s abilities, children might:
- Look through family photo albums together
- Listen to favorite music
- Draw pictures or make crafts
- Read a book aloud
- Bake or prepare a simple snack together
- Take a walk
- Watch an old favorite movie
- Sing familiar songs
- Play a simple game
- Share a favorite stuffed animal or toy
- Ask about memories from the past
The goal isn’t necessarily to have a perfect conversation. Connection doesn’t require perfect memory.
A child may not be able to get the response they once did from their grandparent, but they can still share a smile, a song, a hug, or a moment of comfort.
Let Kids Decide How Much They Want to Participate
Not every child will want to visit frequently or participate in caregiving activities—and that’s okay.
Children shouldn’t be pressured to take on adult responsibilities.
Give them choices. A child might prefer drawing a picture for Grandma rather than visiting. A teenager might feel more comfortable helping with technology or looking through old photographs.
Allowing children to participate in ways that feel comfortable can help them maintain a connection without feeling overwhelmed.
Encourage Them to Talk About Their Feelings
Don’t assume that children will automatically tell you when they’re struggling.
Some may become quiet. Others may act out, have trouble sleeping, become unusually irritable, or withdraw from family activities.
Make conversations about dementia an ongoing process rather than a one-time discussion.
Try questions such as:
“What has been the hardest part for you?”
“Is there anything about Grandma’s dementia that scares you?”
“Do you have questions that you’ve been afraid to ask?”
“What do you miss doing with Grandpa?”
And perhaps most importantly:
“How can I help?”
Sometimes the best thing an adult can do is simply listen.
Don’t Hide the Diagnosis
It can be tempting to protect children by avoiding conversations about dementia. But children often know that something is wrong even when nobody explains it.
Without an explanation, they may create their own.
Using simple, honest language helps children understand that the changes they’re seeing are caused by a disease—not because their loved one is angry with them, doesn’t love them, or is intentionally acting differently.
The explanation should grow with the child. A five-year-old and a fifteen-year-old may both need to understand dementia, but they’ll need very different levels of information.
Help Them Remember That Their Feelings Are Okay
There is no “right” way for a child or teenager to feel about a relative’s dementia.
They may feel sad one day and laugh with their friends the next. They may want to visit their grandparent and then want some space. They may feel loving and frustrated at the same time.
All of those feelings can exist together.
What matters is giving children permission to experience those emotions without shame.
Resources for Children and Families
If your child or teen has a loved one with dementia, you don’t have to navigate these conversations alone.
The Alzheimer’s Alliance of Smith County has several children’s books about dementia available at our office for families to check out and take home. These books can help children understand what is happening and provide a starting point for conversations about dementia, feelings, and family changes.
Stop by the Alzheimer’s Alliance of Smith County to see what resources are available for your family.
Most importantly, remember that children don’t need to have all the answers. They need adults who will be honest with them, listen to their questions, reassure them that they are safe and loved, and help them understand that dementia changes a relationship—but it doesn’t erase the love within a family.
